6 years ago today....

If only Dave’s words were true that Monday morning of April 21st..... “Cheer up its going to be nice week”! I struggle with winter turning into spring... it never seems to just get warm fast enough! Dave knew that... and made sure he told me that  sunny days  were on its way ! .... hours passed that morning..no different then any other morning...he gave me a phone call around 11 am to just check in like he always did...I went on with my day... . and the phone call came in a number I wasn't familiar with but something told me I better answer it!.. in the middle of the grocery store I get the news.... Dave was on the floor...... he just fell over his chair while in a meeting in his office... ?  I was a bit stunned on the other side of the phone.. but was told he’s awake now.. and an ambulance was on its way.... ? I figured a possible kidney stone... maybe he didn't eat breakfast and passed out... low blood sugar.... anything other then what was about to hit me over the next couple of hours... 

Fast forward now less then 24 hours..i hadn’t left his side still trying to figure out what happened... Wed the 23rd of April... gray clouds hovered over the critical care unit that morning..... i knew he wasn't going to make it.. I knew from when I first saw him in the ER and all those doctors and nurses struggling to keep him alive...I just knew this wasnt looking good at all...   Between all the complications..the  surgeries and transfusions....Dave had gone septic..... a very rare  Renal Artery stole his life... it took the father of my children..  my husband... and life as we knew it was forever changed.

Where did the 6 years go? Dave has missed so much of his children's lives and that saddens me!  Carson was in preschool ... Madison was in 3rd grade and Chase 5th. So many milestones and achievements have come and gone.. Some very wonderful times and experiences have come our way as many heartaches and pain as well.  Nothing will bring back Dave .. pictures now tell the story of their father..... .  the children's memories of have faded quite a bit... Carson the most ... he only sees a shadow figure of a man in his memory... and the collage of photos on his wall is a reminder that he did indeed at one time,  have a Dad!  He doesn't know what it is like to have a father with unconditional love that only a father could fill...he doesn't remember the hugs and kisses... the teasing and wrestling ... the collage of photos keeps Dave in his memory along with all the stories of when Dave was with us. The older two (though fading) ...have more of a memory of their dad... the good times..the laughs and the crazies! 

We all started to just live over these years.. doing so much more then we ever expected to do.. We have bonded as a unit that works works as a team.. we are lazy together.. productive together.. and love together all rolled up into one!! We help one another .. we  fight.. we care.. we laugh.. we cry... no where perfect but we are perfect together. I am thankful for my children as they have grown to be wonderful respectful children. Uncle Manny (aka: Billy my brother) has still been making his weekly visits for 6 years now.. this helps the kids tremendously to have their uncle around and helps out with the dance schedule.. bus stop pick ups.. late night drive thrus.. and more.. and i love that there is another hand around this house... thanks Uncle BILLY! 

The three of them have proven there is life after death.. and is no doubt that I believe that even with out a father in their lives.. they will be wonderful strong adults someday! 

Chase has grown taller each year and is well over my height.. I think for sure he would be if not taller then Dave at this point... As a junior in High school he will be  making some grown up decisions as to wear to go to college over the next year... For now though.. we will be working on getting his license  this summer.. (maybe?)  but to be honest, I don't mind that he doesn't drive just yet!!  Chase continues to love photography and computer related arts.. as he has an eye for photography and very creative.. I will take credit on that one... because their is a lot of his father in him... so when I can claim a little of me ... ill take it!!!  Chase has traveled Europe with out me last spring.. and was it was the first time he was away from home and talks about going back...... scary to think soon he will be all grown up.. ... 18 is not too far away..... Chase surprises me with his knowledge of knowing just about something of everything... just like his Dad did... not sure how he can bank all this information in his head and where did it come from? I always can count on Chase .. we got the garbage down now.. on Mondays.. though sometimes forgets... but for the most part its at the curb! He's also a wonderful support to the other two kids at dance competitions.. still keeping score and watching all the dances... pen and program book on hand.. pretty much can tell you if they did good  and you will really hear it if they did bad!! He's a VIP member of #PLM  (parking lot moments) its kinda our zen moments together...when we can enjoy conversations a good laugh.. he’s so dam funny!!!  ...its a break from every day rush hours.. and just chill out!!  a Starbucks for Chase... me Dunkin Donuts... !!

Madison.. now Maddie with an “ie” for  me but she wants me to drop the “e”! ..... She has grown to be more and more independent as she gets older...! I don't know where she gets her determination to be an honor student with her busy schedule with dance just about every day... she continues to be on the honor roll! Love that she has take pride into school and knows what she wants! Dance this year has been wonderful.. as she finally added a lyrical routine to her just tap solo in previous years..and has doing well with it ! She has also added a lyrical duo with a wonderful boy that she is very fond of at the studio and it won 1st place a couple weeks ago at Bravo Dance Competition. These two decided last minute and rehearsed it a few times and its a winning number. not to mention its been in the top 5 in several other competitions they have competed in. I cant not wait to see what next year brings as she continues to surprise me. Maddie also has a love for children and can be found with a crowd of little ones around her... she dreams to become a pediatric nurse some day.. and she displays her loving nature.. just by being around the young ones.... she has a compassion and love for children  and people in general...and thats surely a nice quality to have.   Her Dad would be certainly proud of her!!

Carson.. still dancing and has quite a busy schedule at the studio this year...  he fits right in as his charm has landed him quite a few “just girls as friends”  at the studio! He has two duo’s this year with the Morgans’ and they are all just adorable together... always in the top 10 if not winning!!...His solo is doing great too.. and won two titles so far this year... good for you Carson.. you are such a charmer on stage!!... You can always find Carson in the middle of these kids.. and if you have your DS.. or Ipad.. or something electronic.. you can see him gaming in between classes! His natural love for computers and games amazes me and the same time frustrates me... because as much as i love how he is so smart  it takes up so much time..and homework is often reminded that it come first!! He’s quite the little man too.. can have grown up converstations with big people hes definitely  an old soul... wise beyond his  years.. Carson is something else! 

forever in our heart!! 

Dave . Father . Husband

7.8.1968 - 4.23.2008