its been 5 years already... where did the time go?...

...to think at one time i wanted to wish my life away .. to fast forward 5 years...so the pain wouldn't be as strong.... to  take the fear out of the future that was now mine in the roll of single mother ... as i sit in this tiny room.... alone.. waiting for the doctor to come out to tell me he’s gone.... 4.23.2008 my world came crashing down on me... Life as i knew it was not ever going to be the same again. The long road ahead of us was uncertain.. how to cope? .. how to parent?.. how to survive with 3 children with busy schedules?. How was i to pick myself up .. get out of bed.. try to live a some what normal life like everyone else? we are down 1 in our family unit and the shock hadn’t warn off for quite some time. I began with the typical why me?.. but mostly why my kids? why do my children have to grow up with out their father? .. Why couldn’t he have just woke up from surgery and be full of life again?... God had different plans for us..

 over the past 5 years.. my children have coped and adapted to a new normal. They are wonderful loving and caring children that their Dad would be so proud of.. each and everyone has their own unique personalities, special talents and character that makes them who they are! 

Crazy as it sounds.. i’m glad i just couldn't click my heels to make it all better. The struggles and life lessons over these 5 years has been what i needed to experience  to get to where i am today.........the good, the bad, the ugly all rolled up in one!  TODAY..... much stronger.. quite a bit wiser and clearly the MOM my kids needed me to become  so they could get to the place where they are today! .... Thrown into this unexpected mess.. i survived.. my kids survived ....but we didn't get here alone!!

To my widow friends who have been there for me with questions and answers.. a shoulder to cry on...the hugs... the love and support... just being a text away is still comforting! To Cindy .. you have been my widow ROCK ... ironically loosing our husbands almost a week apart from each other..going from complete strangers to being a wonderful life long friend.....no doubt our husbands brought us together.....as they walked up the stairway to heaven..looking down upon us.... they knew they had to connect us together......  you are a true gift  and i’m so thankful for YOU being you!!!.. one that understands when its so hard for others too... you get it.. you went through it.. you’ve lived it!!!!! .  You are a true GEM!!

to Andy and Majid...though distance is what keeps us all apart.. widowhood is forever and only FACEBOOK away...  ...i think of you both often and i know your children are in good hands with wonderful Fathers you are!.. you should be proud of how far you have come..... thanks for being in the CLUB  that we all were thrown in.... knowing we are not alone helps in so many ways!!!

To Uncle Billy... my brother aka:  Manny!! he brings the male version of Nanny to a whole new level....! Billy has filled the void after the loss of my children's father.. he has been with us for 5 years helping a hand...changing the oil.. building fires..... Subway and Taco Bell runs... dance driver...homework hotline... Walmart runs... the jokester...the laughs.. the therapist...the snow shoveler...bill organizer....the garbage man... spider killer...premiere member... florida tours ...and so much  more ... the never ending hats and   MANNY wears.. its very  much appreciated!!!

to Auntie Maria...  the sisters we were meant to become!!!   what would i do with out you?? THANK YOU for YOU!!.. thank you for UNDERSTANDING.. thank you for the LOVE and SUPPORT... and the love that you have for my children!! I am so thankful for our kids to grow up with their cousins Sam and Nic.. they are all so very special and unique in different ways.. this is what bonds our children together.... they are who they are because of US!!!... Cheers to single parenthood... a similar club.. we are holding strong... I LOVE YOU !!! BIG HUGZZZZ!!!

To Deb Perchsy... oh there is so much you and i get ourselves  into.. the laughs.. the more laughs and the major laughs... two peas in a pod! What a wonderful neighbor you have been ..Thanks to Rob for being so understanding when you and Morgan shlep home at midnight! We make a wonderful Dance Mom pair!!!! Cheers to a fabulous dance year with Hand Jive... these two kids ROCK.. and i know Dave is up there cheering on this fabulous tap DUO!!  Thank you for always being there to help.. to glue on a rhinestone.... busting out the needle and thread.... volunteering Bette last minute.. and most importantly.. feeding Carson his 7:00 pm egg and cheese on a croissant !! ... lol!!.. good times here on the turn-a-round!`( your weeping cherry tree you planted for Dave has bloomed overnight.. its beautiful... )