...NIKE HUMAN RACE 10K we DID it!...

(click here for complete race story and photos!)

...making a difference...

I have been touched by so many people and I wanted to post how appreciative I am that so many have reached out to me via emails... shared their personal stories from triumphs to heartaches with me and told me how much this blogg has changed their lives. Some simply come here and realize what they have and wonder how they can make their life a little better … and some question what they don’t have and wonder what they can do to have a little bit more...I im so thankful to all of you that have helped me in many different ways whether it was your ear I borrowed....a good joke that made me laugh.. a shoulder to cry on… and so on. More often then not… life in general is taken for granted… we sometimes just live each day.. and sometimes we put things off til tomorrow. ..then tomorrow “may or may not”come and if it does...it may not be all what you thought it would be…….we always seem to want what we don’t have… and then sometimes what you want, is really what you do have… and you just don’t see it..…then in an instant, what you do have, can be ripped away from you with out warning ….and that will change your life forever!… What if that happens?… take a deep breath and push forward… but if you can leave an impression in someone else’s life while doing so… (even when you don’t think you are doing anything at all) if only for a minute… you share a smile.. a laugh.. a hug... telling someone you love them … that is still a minute that you have made a difference.. Im am sharing with you an email I got from a mom who lost her husband recently and came across my blogg…when you don’t even realize it… you can be making a difference in someone else’s life…. a small ounce of hope …a little inspiration that life can still be worth living, even in the darkest days… some strength to make it though the next seconds…minutes or hours of the day….. As I read her email.. I could not help but cry some tears for her and her family.. I put aside my pain and thought about her and the great loss she was experiencing….. I wish I could make it all better for her too.. ..Just like all of you who wish my pain to go away.. … So thank you all who keep reading my blogg and emailing me with stories and notes and thinking about me and my family.. I am very blessed to have been able to touch your life just as much as you all have touched mine.. And I thank you for being part of my healing process ..its a long road ahead but I can finally see some light and know that Dave has had a helping hand in this journey…. allowing me to be able to express my thoughts and feelings through pictures and words... THANK YOU!…….xoxoxo

(and thank you anonymous for letting me post your story...god bless you and sending you a hug...)

~*~

Hi Michelle,

I just came across one of your posts and I read your blog about your husband Dave and i just wanted to say that I found it inspiring. My husband died suddenly in a car accident 2 months ago and left me and our 2 small children alone. (I am also pregnant). Not easy. Anyways, I have really struggled with facing this and even finding time to face it with my kids needing mom for just day to day things. He was heavily involved in the community as well as so I just feel like I have so much to grieve. I really liked reading your blog because I haven't done much to celebrate my husband's life. I really struggle with what I have lost and how much is gone (my partner, my kids dad, his work involved alot of people over) but reading your blog has encouraged me that it is also okay to really enjoy who he was. I find that painful but your family looked so joyful as you ran your race or let go of your balloons. Not to say your heart doesn't break everyday, but I also think you are facing your darkness really well. I read a great book called A Grace Disguised about a man who lost his daughter, wife and mother all in the same accident. He had a dream about chasing the sun because the darkness was closing in on him and he couldn't catch the light. He finally collapsed and let the darkness overwhelm him. He told his sister about it and she said that in order to catch the sun, you actually have to turn into the darkness and go towards the sunrise. You have to face the dark in order to get to the light. Anyways, I would highly recommend the book but that is not my point in writing. I just wanted to say that I feel inspired by your facing your darkness by going to as many kids things as you could get to, by organizing a race, by making a tshirt for your son to honor his dad. You could just stay in bed if you wanted to but instead you are embracing your life. I feel like I want to start going through my husbands stuff and start putting together stuff for my kids to remember him by. Also, side note, I too feel like I can't even imagine remarrying but I also can't imagine not being with someone else. This book also talks about how we need to let our picture of 'the good life' die as well if that picture involves our husband. that life is gone. but there is still a good life ahead. i trust that means friendship, love and hope for our family. sorry for the length of this but I really wanted to let you know how I was feeling.

~anonymous

...month 4 ... of missing daddy!...

I guess I don’t know how I feel this month.. Still confused and shocked over the loss of Dave.. I look at his photo and still cant believe he is gone.. When do you finally except it? When will it hit me that he isn’t coming back home? When the dog is curled up next to me on the couch I wonder what she is thinking? I know she is questioning,” am I really supposed to be up here“?.. I know this is daddy’s spot… but I continue to let her.. .. If dave knew he was dead.. He would be soooo pssssTT OFF!!.. And even more so that the dog has out lived him!… When Dapple would dig holes in our yard..... Dave would go BIZZ-ERK!! He would say.. There you go again “Crapple” keep it up…. . Your digg’N your own grave !…..Dave had a love hate relationship with “Dapple”.. and I thank god we didn’t give her away. She really is sweet… and she is always there wanting to be next to me …leaning on my feet… during the alone times when the kids are gone she is a great companion and the house doesn’t feel so empty with her around!!

So how do I carry on with out Dave?… “just trying to make the best of it.”. I do often wonder why I was picked to handle all this !@#$%^ that life has thrown my way…I would be lying if I told you all I wasn’t angry.. upset and mad!!!… NO ONE asked me if I wanted this crisis in my life and who in their right mind could think I can handle all of it???????!!!!

So this is what 4 months looks like!. Not much has changed other than there have been more challenges and obstacles that I had to face.. Concur get though ….and get back on my feet …. Im not sure what kind of test life has thrown at me here.. im not expecting a gold star at the end of it.. Just hoping I can come out on the other side…and be able to smile and live again in some kind of “NEW” normalcy.
Myself and the children have been busy .. Really busy this summer.. And back to school is just a week away Carson will start Kindergarten.. Chase will be heading off to Middle school (6th).. And Madison will be going into 4th grade. .. For the most part they have adjusted to life with out Daddy, but not looking forward to Dave not being there for yet another milestone.. seeing his little guy get on the bus to big boy school. (thinking back.. How is this possible? Carson was just a baby.. seems like yesterday... life slips by so fast that’s for sure and they are off!) Each of our children had Daddy home that 1st day of school in the morning to see them get on the bus for Kindergarten.. Its going to be sad that Daddy wont be in the pictures this year…. I know this will be hard for me and hope we get a sign that he is there…..!
The kids ask why is there a light out still in the pantry? That is because Daddy was so good at changing light bulbs!…. and each time I flick on the switch…. I think that magically Dave has put a new bulb in…and we will have light again... So its left untouched .. Again….Its the little things you take for granted… something simple as a light bulb is hard to change these days….

Dave’s office was yet another HUGE challenge… that one I was dreading... putting off but had to be done by me.. Just sitting in his chair for hours gave me some sense of comfort.. I left his office with 3 boxes full… (thank you for the pretty box and tissue paper left on his desk for me!) Yet again .. His life contents end up in a box!… I remember Dave would ask me why I’m saving so much stuff… you cant take it with you! ( I really know what he meant now!!!) … stuff is just stuff.. its irrelevant in the big picture.. and that is so the truth. Makes you wonder about your life and all your STUFF you have …and the STUFF you still want!!!…. is really worth it..? The kids say.. Id live in a cardboard box if we can trade it all in and have our daddy back!! so really what is important?… all the STUFF or a precious life?…. Dave was a minimalist but yet .. Ill continue to save the contents of his office.. even a gum wrapper .. A broken pencil…a water bottle… whatever it may be …I will keep anything that was Daves… and hold dear to me. Thank you United Health Care for naming a conference room after him.. I saw his name on the plate outside the doorway… as I was leaving the building I took a peek in… Dave would be so honored that he had touched so many people during his 18 years of service at UHC.. I know he is smiling down ….and thank you for all those who expressed their sympathy that day and came to see me… I appreciate it and thanks to Joanne and Carm…for holding my hand and getting me though that day!

Sometimes you cant see the purpose for something so devastating like this to happen to a family .. And I don’t think ill ever understand or will ever know why God has left myself without a husband and the children with out a father??. It Just doesn’t seem fair… and question….. “what did those innocent children do to deserve to carry on without out a father?” ….I keep asking Dave WHY? WHY? WHY?… but I am also starting to see a lot of the blessings that have come my way.. and I certainly know Dave had a huge hand in taking care of me...

…. The very last photo I ever took of Dave I use on our race shirts… People ask me why I used that photo of Dave? Its one with “THAT LOOK“?… He shot me a stare ... I clearly remember…he asks me,”… Another photo Michele?… and rolled his eyes!” (I had only taken about 100 that day at the dance competition of the kids and I rarely leave the house with out my camera ).. So YEP!!!.. and glad I took it too! Our photo albums will be missing our Dad going forward…and that is something that I think about often and it makes me so sad…I will never see him again in this life… now just a memory for me and my kids.... a moment in time has stood still for Dave... and left a big ole’ hole in our hearts forever… I only wish one more snapshot… a glance… a smile… a kiss... I Love you… our Daddy an Angel in Heaven…

....some things to be thankful for....

I have a little gratitude to share with you .. Ive been wanting to post this for awhile and today the sun is out... and it’s a pleasant day… I tear up when I write because it’s the little things that get me to smile and the thought of someone else feeling for you and wanting to help the pain go away and wondering how you are doing… and knowing im in their thoughts and prayers is a wonderful thing! …. By chance and a gift from Dave I truly believe…. I met a wonderful person on Fathers Day.. It wasn’t until a week later we officially met.. But it’s a great story ill always hold close and if it wasn’t for the bib of Dave on our race shirts that day I wouldn’t of met such a truly kind mom of 2 sweet little girls ….. friends-of-dave is traveling and Im so thankful for the blessings that have come my way because of it… so Thank you Kim!… for one of many smiles that you have shown me.. And the laughs that we share…and thank you for several more we will have in the future… you are a very special person.. THANK YOU!….. xoxo

~ROCK ANGEL ~
Kim kept this angel in her pocket on and off for about 15 years… someone special gave it to her when she lost a dear friend…
… I was told this rock angel fits perfectly in the palm of my hand… (which it does) I was told she always found comfort with it and now its been passed down to me because I need it more (thank you!) … and I was told to pass some of her burden to her and hold her tight! (which I am)
… I feel strength and better days because of it.. THANK YOU! xoxoxo

HEALING HANDS:
Also.. One of the many items Kim has sent my way.. Is this card made by her two little girls of healing hands. There is a lot of energy in that picture and was so worth framing! My kids hold up their palms to her little girls hands and it’s a powerful thing…. Thank you girls for making our days a bit brighter ... xoxoxo

...a baby named after Dave!...

Daves childhood friend Kevin Lacilla and wife Keri just had a baby boy and named his middle name after Dave... That was such a wonderful surprise.. Thank you… how sweet is that!.. And I know Dave would have been so honored knowing his name will carry on in a brand new life …… LOVE YOU GUYS… xoxoxo

golfing in his name.....7.25.08

… This event took me awhile to post. It was really hard to see all of these guys from college golfing in honor of Dave’s memory… and him not being there to enjoy that special day with all his friends just chokes me up. Dave’s ZBT brothers got together to golf in his name on July 25th… it’s a real honor for me as his wife to see how much he was loved by all you guys and still shared a special bond even though it had been years since Dave seen quite a few of you. I got to know a some of you in New Port RI that summer of 93 when I met Dave... where he shared a house with a good handful of you … I still laugh at all the good times and funny things you all did that summer….. And some others I had just met over the winter at JJ’s 40th birthday party last November… and I’m so thankful that Dave got to see a lot of you and he had a great time and was looking forward to gathering again. So I say THANK YOU once again ... For getting together for Dave.. I know he was doing his rounds in heaven that day.. By your side… drinking a beer.. And sharing in on the laughs..

...running in a LOBSTER LOOP....!!! 8.17.08

.... The Lobster Loop was a fun run in Canton CT...THANKS AGAIN TO Darlene and Mike..! You have always been there for me with this running for DAVE team!.. I know Dave would be so honored that you are adding miles to his sneakers…I cant thank you enough for our loving friendship and your caring attitude towards me and my kids… I just want you to know how much you mean to me and thank you for always being there to talk and share with!! My kids think the world of your kids and You and Mike… thanks for everything.. Thanks for the laughs the hugs and your friendship!! I LOVE YOU GUYS! Madison and Allison ran too.. they looked adorable coming across the finish line...YOU GO GIRLS!!.. (Daddy would be so proud!!).. Also.. I wanted to add that Auntie Donna. (Darlenes sister).. DID A FABULOUS JOB! She ran with her fashionable gadgets.. And looks like a pro!! IM SO PROUD OF YOU for your fast finish … and being there once again to support “running for Dave“…keep it up!!!! You look GREAT!!! And then we had a new cumber at this race…Edyta! THANK YOU!!.. She is a treadmill runner and this was her first race,, im THRILLED she ran with us for Dave .. So PROUD OF YOU TOO! Keep it up.. You did AWESOME!!! … looking forward to the next RACE!!! OH.. wanted to add.. that Darlene kicked it up a notch and ran a better time this race.. SHE RAN THE HILL and didnt stop!! WOO WOOO.. and Mike hit the 24 min mark!! way to GOOOOOOOOOOO..... PS:..THANK YOU Alan (Mikes brother)...for being our PRO photographer and getting some great shots!!! :o)

...smiles at the water park!...8.16.08

…Another good time with friends at Lake Compounce! We spent the day with Little Melissa and her cousins from the Dance studio… the kids had a blast!! And another beautiful day out at the water park!……

Beach days...... 8.13.08.....

Hammonasset Beach!!... what a beautiful day.. we hung out with Darlene and her two kids... and went to Lenny and Joes afterwards for dinner!........ :o)

SUMMER in the backyard!...

WOW.. this homemade water slide at my brothers house was INSANE! (they bought several pool liners and made a REALLY BIG SLIDE!... the photos dont do it justice and doesnt show you the steep hill that it really is! The kids were brave and went down it several times... to add more speed they used dish washing liquid .. soaped up before they ran and let go..... eeeeek!!!!.. I couldnt watch to long... they were whipping down that hill so fast.. even the big people got in on the action.... Dave would of joined right in... !!! Madison went down once and that was it for her... ! the kids had a really good time till the rain and thunder came ..... thanks UNCLE KEVIN!!!XOXOXO

Carson lip is much better!....

.... Carson recovered from his bonding glue lip episode... its looking much better these days!

THANK YOU YMCA!!!....

I would like to say Thank You to our Southington YMCA who has been so supportive to me and my family since Dave died. I didn’t realize how many people knew us there.. We would always wave hi to everyone on the weekends where Dave and I would work out together... He was also in the regular 5:30am crowd there.. And i'd stumble in daily after the older two kids got on the bus… Carson and I would head out to the Y in the mornings.. and would drop him off at the TREE HOUSE SCHOOL… (YMCA babysitting room which is what we called it).. Carson loved it there and played for the hour and a half with all the other children.. while mommy worked out. I met a lot of nice people and some moms there… but didn’t realize we touched so many when they found out about Dave’s passing.. The out pour of love from the Y and there generosity has been up lifting. I struggle for words to express how much I apprecaite the YMCA and all the wonderful employees there...the cards.. the letters.. the emails and even showing up at my house with loads of goodies from the Y…and a huge ((HUG)) and Thank you for the scholarship to Camp Sloper this year for my 3 children. Today was their first day.. On the bus they went.. running all the way to get on!!!… THANK YOU! … THEY LOVE IT!! XOXO

the HUMAN RACE NYC..... WANNA RUN?...

(click the logo for more info)

…here’s a pic of Daves sneakers on the rack in the garage.. The ones in front are his.. The back ones are mine.. I hope he can see how dirty mine are.. They have several miles and several races on them since he passed away.. I know he would be proud to see them being used so much… his are still looking brand new…and it’s a shame :o( We both got new sneakers in March.. And as you can tell his new ones didn’t have many miles on them! He would wear them to the gym and only on dry days outside he’d run them on the road… back in March/April the streets were still muddy and dirty from the winter and he‘d use his old ones…… he wore his new ones that last day on the treadmill at the Y... on the morning of April 21st .. They are still in the same spot where he left them… and he actually hung his sweaty tee shirt up to dry too.. That is still hanging up untouched in our closet…and I look at it often and wonder how odd he could have been so healthy/ energized to worked out that morning and then a few hours later he ended up in the ER…?? I continue to put on my sneakers mostly every day… I head out with the dog, and Chases iPOD … Dave would always call me to see how many miles I went each day.. And sometimes he'd tell me new roads to go down for a longer run….. I miss that !… I miss not having him ask me how far I went or where I went.... What did Capple do? How many birds did she pull my arm off to chase or squirrels she barked at... Or if any more dogs jumped the fence to greet us….. ?
Im running in NYC for Dave on 8.31.08 anyone want to join in.. just let me know… mudpies@snet.net

our visit to NY Aug 2nd & 3rd with the Lacillas!...

(click on the photos for a larger image)

WE HAD A BLAST!!! We got together with Uncle Jeff and Auntie Glowie and little
Ryan.. ! I drove out of my comfort zone.. and headed to Pellem Ny for the weekend! I never drove past Danbury Mall before. Dave used to drive everywhere.. I never paid any attention.. just a passenger..! So this was a pat on the back for myself.. and to boot it was pouring rain ...couldn’t see a thing in front of you.. But WE MADE IT!! I have this fear of getting lost... all these highways and byways get me crazy.. But I can put this trip under my belt…I DID IT! WOO WOO…
Lets see.. We hit the Bronx Zoo after the weather cleared up..! What a fabulous place.. I hadn’t been there since I was little so this was all new to me.. The kids enjoyed it.. Especially the Gorillas.. !! Im still cracking up and gagging over.. how this one Gorilla put on a show for us.. He scooped up some poop and ate it.. regurgitated it.. And ate it again…
YUK! THE KIDS WERE DISGUSTEDLY CRACKING UP! Haaaaa… what a great place.. You cant do it all in one day.. So we will be back for sure!!! Uncle Jeff put on his chief hat later on that night and made us gourmet pizza.. He likes to cook and he had Madison as his audience… THANKS JEFF it was delicious!!!!.. and THANKS Glowie for the ice-cream sundaes and popcorn the kids had a FEAST!! :o).... We all hit their local water park the next day… the BIGGEST POOL ever!! Waterfalls … slides… and french fries… thanks for having us… !! I know Dave would of loved visiting.. Wish he could have been there with us… but we did see the “RED BIRD“ as Carson calls it..… Daddy flew in to see us..!!! As we were walking out of the zoo.. A cardinal was there right in front of our path… he stayed long enough for a few photos!! Daddy we miss you!! XOXOXOXO

... with love.. YOUR BIGGEST FANS!!...

Thank you to Jen & Lindsay from our dance studio.. These two gals sold tee shirts in honor of Chase Madison and Carson the proceeds went directly to the Yurgaitis Childrens fund.. These two girls are the head ring leaders of FUN FUN FUN at the Dance Studio.. At every competition or dance function.. They have their camera and video recorder on at all times .. They have their own show on YOUtube called the Jen & Lindsay Show!… the kids just love watching and being part of the SHOW.. Thank you girls.. You’re the best.. And keep your cameras rolling... We'll keep on watching!!!
LOVE....Your BIGGEST FANS!!!
.. CHASE .. MADISON.. and CARSON…XOXOXO

STARBOUND Dance Competition 2008

((click on photos for larger pictures))

Atlantic City NJ StarBound Dance Nationals 2008! … the kids had a great time.. We missed Dave/Daddy for sure.. He made all the arrangements back in February it wasn’t the same there without him!... the kids kept busy competing and dancing on the boardwalk.. One night they were walking back from the show on the boardwalk with their costumes on.... And a couple eating dinner outside on the patio gave them $10 dollars !.. The kids burned a hole in their pocket with that $$ and bought starbucks iced coffee smoothies.. :o)… the weather was spectacular.. Perfect beach weather and we spent some time there with all the kids and just hung out in the sand! Shopped at the outlets.. won special awards and trophies and enjoyed lots of Kodak moments with their dancing friends….

...HAPPY HOUR X-TREME SCRAMBLE 5k ROAD RACE Hartford!!...

Thank you Joyce for giving me the heads up on this happy hour night race….I so appreciate being able to run with some of Daves friends from work…!it means a lot to me and im giving you a great big (((HUG)) for that!! (and btw…. you should of won the socks for your speedy finish !!) So thankful for always being able to run with a little team … it was a good time out last night!.. ….Thanks to Shannon and Auntie Tina for also running .. Nice to see Shannon again.. you took off so fast.. Im sure your made it in record time to the finish line!!!! Woo woo!!!… and Im so proud of Tina for another fabulous race time… you go GIRL!! Cant wait for the next one.. I loved the off roads.. The trails.. The mud and rocks.. Two flights of stairs.. The bridge and beautiful view of the water.. I know part of that trail , Dave ran during lunch hour sometimes... It was peaceful knowing I was running in some of his footsteps… certainly more angel wings on my now totally dirty sneakers …. Miss you… hope you could see us yesterday .… I waved up to you for some strength and blew you a kiss! xo