6 years ago today....

If only Dave’s words were true that Monday morning of April 21st..... “Cheer up its going to be nice week”! I struggle with winter turning into spring... it never seems to just get warm fast enough! Dave knew that... and made sure he told me that  sunny days  were on its way ! .... hours passed that morning..no different then any other morning...he gave me a phone call around 11 am to just check in like he always did...I went on with my day... . and the phone call came in a number I wasn't familiar with but something told me I better answer it!.. in the middle of the grocery store I get the news.... Dave was on the floor...... he just fell over his chair while in a meeting in his office... ?  I was a bit stunned on the other side of the phone.. but was told he’s awake now.. and an ambulance was on its way.... ? I figured a possible kidney stone... maybe he didn't eat breakfast and passed out... low blood sugar.... anything other then what was about to hit me over the next couple of hours... 

Fast forward now less then 24 hours..i hadn’t left his side still trying to figure out what happened... Wed the 23rd of April... gray clouds hovered over the critical care unit that morning..... i knew he wasn't going to make it.. I knew from when I first saw him in the ER and all those doctors and nurses struggling to keep him alive...I just knew this wasnt looking good at all...   Between all the complications..the  surgeries and transfusions....Dave had gone septic..... a very rare  Renal Artery stole his life... it took the father of my children..  my husband... and life as we knew it was forever changed.

Where did the 6 years go? Dave has missed so much of his children's lives and that saddens me!  Carson was in preschool ... Madison was in 3rd grade and Chase 5th. So many milestones and achievements have come and gone.. Some very wonderful times and experiences have come our way as many heartaches and pain as well.  Nothing will bring back Dave .. pictures now tell the story of their father..... .  the children's memories of have faded quite a bit... Carson the most ... he only sees a shadow figure of a man in his memory... and the collage of photos on his wall is a reminder that he did indeed at one time,  have a Dad!  He doesn't know what it is like to have a father with unconditional love that only a father could fill...he doesn't remember the hugs and kisses... the teasing and wrestling ... the collage of photos keeps Dave in his memory along with all the stories of when Dave was with us. The older two (though fading) ...have more of a memory of their dad... the good times..the laughs and the crazies! 

We all started to just live over these years.. doing so much more then we ever expected to do.. We have bonded as a unit that works works as a team.. we are lazy together.. productive together.. and love together all rolled up into one!! We help one another .. we  fight.. we care.. we laugh.. we cry... no where perfect but we are perfect together. I am thankful for my children as they have grown to be wonderful respectful children. Uncle Manny (aka: Billy my brother) has still been making his weekly visits for 6 years now.. this helps the kids tremendously to have their uncle around and helps out with the dance schedule.. bus stop pick ups.. late night drive thrus.. and more.. and i love that there is another hand around this house... thanks Uncle BILLY! 

The three of them have proven there is life after death.. and is no doubt that I believe that even with out a father in their lives.. they will be wonderful strong adults someday! 

Chase has grown taller each year and is well over my height.. I think for sure he would be if not taller then Dave at this point... As a junior in High school he will be  making some grown up decisions as to wear to go to college over the next year... For now though.. we will be working on getting his license  this summer.. (maybe?)  but to be honest, I don't mind that he doesn't drive just yet!!  Chase continues to love photography and computer related arts.. as he has an eye for photography and very creative.. I will take credit on that one... because their is a lot of his father in him... so when I can claim a little of me ... ill take it!!!  Chase has traveled Europe with out me last spring.. and was it was the first time he was away from home and talks about going back...... scary to think soon he will be all grown up.. ... 18 is not too far away..... Chase surprises me with his knowledge of knowing just about something of everything... just like his Dad did... not sure how he can bank all this information in his head and where did it come from? I always can count on Chase .. we got the garbage down now.. on Mondays.. though sometimes forgets... but for the most part its at the curb! He's also a wonderful support to the other two kids at dance competitions.. still keeping score and watching all the dances... pen and program book on hand.. pretty much can tell you if they did good  and you will really hear it if they did bad!! He's a VIP member of #PLM  (parking lot moments) its kinda our zen moments together...when we can enjoy conversations a good laugh.. he’s so dam funny!!!  ...its a break from every day rush hours.. and just chill out!!  a Starbucks for Chase... me Dunkin Donuts... !!

Madison.. now Maddie with an “ie” for  me but she wants me to drop the “e”! ..... She has grown to be more and more independent as she gets older...! I don't know where she gets her determination to be an honor student with her busy schedule with dance just about every day... she continues to be on the honor roll! Love that she has take pride into school and knows what she wants! Dance this year has been wonderful.. as she finally added a lyrical routine to her just tap solo in previous years..and has doing well with it ! She has also added a lyrical duo with a wonderful boy that she is very fond of at the studio and it won 1st place a couple weeks ago at Bravo Dance Competition. These two decided last minute and rehearsed it a few times and its a winning number. not to mention its been in the top 5 in several other competitions they have competed in. I cant not wait to see what next year brings as she continues to surprise me. Maddie also has a love for children and can be found with a crowd of little ones around her... she dreams to become a pediatric nurse some day.. and she displays her loving nature.. just by being around the young ones.... she has a compassion and love for children  and people in general...and thats surely a nice quality to have.   Her Dad would be certainly proud of her!!

Carson.. still dancing and has quite a busy schedule at the studio this year...  he fits right in as his charm has landed him quite a few “just girls as friends”  at the studio! He has two duo’s this year with the Morgans’ and they are all just adorable together... always in the top 10 if not winning!!...His solo is doing great too.. and won two titles so far this year... good for you Carson.. you are such a charmer on stage!!... You can always find Carson in the middle of these kids.. and if you have your DS.. or Ipad.. or something electronic.. you can see him gaming in between classes! His natural love for computers and games amazes me and the same time frustrates me... because as much as i love how he is so smart  it takes up so much time..and homework is often reminded that it come first!! He’s quite the little man too.. can have grown up converstations with big people hes definitely  an old soul... wise beyond his  years.. Carson is something else! 

forever in our heart!! 

Dave . Father . Husband

7.8.1968 - 4.23.2008 

its been 5 years already... where did the time go?...

...to think at one time i wanted to wish my life away .. to fast forward 5 years...so the pain wouldn't be as strong.... to  take the fear out of the future that was now mine in the roll of single mother ... as i sit in this tiny room.... alone.. waiting for the doctor to come out to tell me he’s gone.... 4.23.2008 my world came crashing down on me... Life as i knew it was not ever going to be the same again. The long road ahead of us was uncertain.. how to cope? .. how to parent?.. how to survive with 3 children with busy schedules?. How was i to pick myself up .. get out of bed.. try to live a some what normal life like everyone else? we are down 1 in our family unit and the shock hadn’t warn off for quite some time. I began with the typical why me?.. but mostly why my kids? why do my children have to grow up with out their father? .. Why couldn’t he have just woke up from surgery and be full of life again?... God had different plans for us..

 over the past 5 years.. my children have coped and adapted to a new normal. They are wonderful loving and caring children that their Dad would be so proud of.. each and everyone has their own unique personalities, special talents and character that makes them who they are! 

Crazy as it sounds.. i’m glad i just couldn't click my heels to make it all better. The struggles and life lessons over these 5 years has been what i needed to experience  to get to where i am today.........the good, the bad, the ugly all rolled up in one!  TODAY..... much stronger.. quite a bit wiser and clearly the MOM my kids needed me to become  so they could get to the place where they are today! .... Thrown into this unexpected mess.. i survived.. my kids survived ....but we didn't get here alone!!

To my widow friends who have been there for me with questions and answers.. a shoulder to cry on...the hugs... the love and support... just being a text away is still comforting! To Cindy .. you have been my widow ROCK ... ironically loosing our husbands almost a week apart from each other..going from complete strangers to being a wonderful life long friend.....no doubt our husbands brought us together.....as they walked up the stairway to heaven..looking down upon us.... they knew they had to connect us together......  you are a true gift  and i’m so thankful for YOU being you!!!.. one that understands when its so hard for others too... you get it.. you went through it.. you’ve lived it!!!!! .  You are a true GEM!!

to Andy and Majid...though distance is what keeps us all apart.. widowhood is forever and only FACEBOOK away...  ...i think of you both often and i know your children are in good hands with wonderful Fathers you are!.. you should be proud of how far you have come..... thanks for being in the CLUB  that we all were thrown in.... knowing we are not alone helps in so many ways!!!

To Uncle Billy... my brother aka:  Manny!! he brings the male version of Nanny to a whole new level....! Billy has filled the void after the loss of my children's father.. he has been with us for 5 years helping a hand...changing the oil.. building fires..... Subway and Taco Bell runs... dance driver...homework hotline... Walmart runs... the jokester...the laughs.. the therapist...the snow shoveler...bill organizer....the garbage man... spider killer...premiere member... florida tours ...and so much  more ... the never ending hats and   MANNY wears.. its very  much appreciated!!!

to Auntie Maria...  the sisters we were meant to become!!!   what would i do with out you?? THANK YOU for YOU!!.. thank you for UNDERSTANDING.. thank you for the LOVE and SUPPORT... and the love that you have for my children!! I am so thankful for our kids to grow up with their cousins Sam and Nic.. they are all so very special and unique in different ways.. this is what bonds our children together.... they are who they are because of US!!!... Cheers to single parenthood... a similar club.. we are holding strong... I LOVE YOU !!! BIG HUGZZZZ!!!

To Deb Perchsy... oh there is so much you and i get ourselves  into.. the laughs.. the more laughs and the major laughs... two peas in a pod! What a wonderful neighbor you have been ..Thanks to Rob for being so understanding when you and Morgan shlep home at midnight! We make a wonderful Dance Mom pair!!!! Cheers to a fabulous dance year with Hand Jive... these two kids ROCK.. and i know Dave is up there cheering on this fabulous tap DUO!!  Thank you for always being there to help.. to glue on a rhinestone.... busting out the needle and thread.... volunteering Bette last minute.. and most importantly.. feeding Carson his 7:00 pm egg and cheese on a croissant !! ... lol!!.. good times here on the turn-a-round!`( your weeping cherry tree you planted for Dave has bloomed overnight.. its beautiful... )

Chase the neat freak!! ... he’s the one to have it all in order and ready to go!! So much like his father in more then one way.. it’s kinda scary at times.. he walks through the door and he's almost as tall as him.. i have to do a double take.... he grew like a weed over the past five years! ... i am very proud of Chase and how he has grown up with out the influence of a father figure... he knows what he likes and what he doest like and tackles it like no bodies business. For the love of computers and technical devices.. aka: iPhone!! ..the creative and cool photos and movies he puts together.. he’s a natural at that. He knows who is who on the big screen.... and still has a love for music.. iTunes!!... always a song to buy to fill his music library just like his dad!! Chase is now a Sophomore in High School and is part of the in house STEPS program. The love for art and the love of history! He just came back from a trip to Europe for spring break.. he was giving a wonderful opportunity and he took it! His dad did a semester over in Europe when he was young.. so this was a very special trip for Chase! ... also a big fan of his sister and brother in dance competitions! he is there with the book watching each dance and letting the kids know if they did good or not.. he doesn’t hold back on his opinions thats for sure... if you are in Chases inner circle that means he considers you pretty special!.. he’s very timid on letting just anyone in until he gets to know you!! ... Chase continues to make us laugh... once you get to know him.. there is a never ending smile because you just never know what he has to say... he keeps us guessing and laughing at the same time!!!!... thats  my boy and i know Dave is very proud of him!!

Madison (14) ... aka: Maddie! i spell it with an (ie) but she doesn't!! Where to start with this one? Couldn't be more prouder!! What a wonderful young lady she has turned out to be.. her kind demeanor and caring attitude for everyone. Madison is very involved in helping children and adults .. she is part of a wonderful group of girls called “the Giving Back Girls”.. in between her very busy dance life.. Maddie makes the time to take part in all the community service projects, fund raising.. and most recently being crowned Miss Southington’s Outstanding Teen 2013. She will be competing this summer for the State title.. Maddie is a straight  “A” high honor roll student in the 8th grade! .. i am always getting a letter or postcard in the mail from her teachers....telling me she is a wonderful student and what a joy to have in class! Her passion is dance and tap dancing is her thing!! She recently took up pointe last year and was in the Hartford City Ballet Nutcracker. Maddie has a warm loving heart and continues to make her father proud!

Crazy Carson!! Yep.. that about sums it up.. this kid is so funny and entertaining! Always putting on a show for anyone who watches!!  He’s a TAPPER!! continues to charm the judges with his smile and face! He is paired up this year with his BFF Morgan who together have an award winning Tap duo.. (Hand Jive) they continue to WOW the judges and they continue to be on a winning streak with this number... along with several special awards! Carson does a bang up job with his new tap solo as well and recently won first runner up to title for everyone boy/girl in the 9-10 age division! Pretty proud of him as we changed studios mid year.. and learned a new solo dance very quickly .... won a PLATINUM  and a large trophy finishing in top 5 in the 9-12 age division! way to go....!! There is also serious side to Carson and he is also a loving and caring soul!! He recently stunned all of us this past winter when he noticed a deaf person at a dance show  .. he went up to this woman and had a full out conversation in sigh language with her! The woman was almost in tears... “heck”.. i was almost in tears!! ... i had no idea he knew how to sign? later to find out ... (he sits next to a deaf boy in his class room!) Carson is very smart and has a knack for math and the love for video games.. he is constantly out smarting these games and i’m forever getting a request to buy him a new one! He can type faster then me on the computer and knows his way around a Mac and any technical device put in front of him! This kid is a crack up... and anyone who connects to Carson just loves him! I know his dad is HIGH 5-ing him up in heaven thats for sure! 

remembering daddy... 4 years later..... 4.23.08.....

Its been 4 years since God took our daddy up to Heaven. The children have grown in those 4 years to become remarkable children in their own special way... each one of them posses a stronger outlook on life.. they breathe in the moment and know that each day is a gift. looking back in those first few days of emptiness and gathering my thoughts on how to survive and raise my 3 children without their father..what effects in the long run would have on them? ...living in fear of the unknown can set you back from moving forward... and some how my children have grasped on to the positive concept in life knowing   that everything was going to be ok despite our family's loss. . I have watched  my children develop in to strong young people and they continue to thrive despite their tragic loss... their father i know would be so very proud of them thru all the accomplishments and helping other children and people who have had similar losses and setbacks in life !  I would like to thank all the friends who have crossed paths with me and my children  with over this new journey in chapter 2 of our lives ... the ones who have come in for a very short time and moved on ....to  those who have stayed and continue to live this journey with myself and my family. I am very grateful for all the new relationships that have  formed into  friendships... there will always be a special place in my heart for all of you...  we are doing well as a unit and making the best out of what ever is handed to us ....... 

Chase 14

Chase is a freshman this year .. a very intelligent kid who applies himself to "almost" every subject in school.... although he has his fathers smarts..and has made the honor roll first quarter of high school ...you can find him pretty much at ease in all areas in school ....but A L G E B R A give him some challenges with adding numbers and letters together... it confuses me not sure who made that up anyways??? ... his love for computers and graphics... to videos to photography... Chase is on the ball with all that (apple) has to offer from apps to iTunes there is always a bill at the end of the month... .... and i find myself in awe as to what this kid can do... from fighting with his little brother to the love he shares with his siblings you can always find a tender moment if you are not looking....he makes us laugh with his stand up routine with telemarking people call us.. Chase takes right over into a skit that has us laughing... they certainly don't call back... i think they remove us from the list... haaaaaa.... i wish i had a few of those on video... the kid is a comedian....As some of you know.. Chase opted not to continue dance this year.. he has RETIRED as he like to say.. but he is the biggest fan for Maddi and Carson and you can find him at every competition with the program book monitoring each and every dance.. and he will let you know what you screwed up on... lol... its always a pleasure to have Chase's presence around you.. the energy he gives off is magnifying. Chase  has grown up quite a few years since his father has passed I am very proud of Chase has he is turning into a fine young man.... and now is almost a foot taller then me... Yikes!!!!

Madison 13

oh my goodness.. this girl is beyond her years... a HIGH honor roll student now in the 7th grade... she is a darling young lady and i know she is  my daughter but she posses qualities in her that are beyond her years...I have received numerous letters and postcards in the mail from a variety of her teachers....here is a sample of that brought a smile to my face...

Maddie,

My Leader! her influential skill set and intelligence is well suited to any cooperative group task. It is truly my pleasure and advantage to have her extra set of hands in class. Mrs. Yurgaitis, you've done quite well! Mr. 

  and that is only one of many i receive in the mail....so what do you do when you find that in your mailbox at the end of the day... you sob and sob and sob... happy tears of course!!!! 

despite her challenges of growing up with out a father... Maddi has taken on the roll in helping other children similar scenarios .. she is a wonderful friend and leader to those in her peer group at school and always there to comfort a new student with their loss or regardless of the  event Maddi is there to lend an ear and a hug to these children. Maddi loves little kids... and you will always find her in the center of a circle .. especially at dance where she can not get enough hugs from the little ones... she sure has some star qualities there and will make a wonderful mom some day... she's a natural babysitter !!! .. This will also be Maddi 11th year at dance.. she started when she was only 2.5 and has managed to find her passion for Tap... she has won nemours awards over the years...and her biggest yet was placing 2nd ...taking the silver medal in the World Tap Championships in Reisa Germany fall of 2010. She has turned into a beautiful Teen dancer and I'm so proud of you !!!.. how time flys... daddy is looking down at you and smiling everyday... 

Carson 9

(CrazyTown) is his nickname for all of you that may no know that... the kid is a ball of energy in the 3rd grade... and his teachers can tell you he's quite the character in school! You can find Carson making you laugh at just about anything.. the kids got a quality about him that draws his attention into you.. he's a sensitive kid too and you can find him giving others a hug or a high five...he will curl up on the couch with you and loves to snuggle... he's a good man Charlie Brown... LOL... ! Carson has been tap dancing now for the 3 years...he's has won many awards and special awards for his tap solo...and lets everyone know he got some "HAPPY FEET"!!!... his teacher had to put a rug under his desk to quiet the noise from him tapping unconsciously so he wouldn't disturb his classmates... Carson also has a love for video games and hand electronics.. he has gone thru several Dsi devices and several Ipods.. always a new game app to get and master... he also loves Legos and can sit for hours building things... never a dull moment when Carson is around,, his jack-o-lantern smile will make you smile... he's an all around good kid and often talks about daddy and "remember when's"...... he still has fond memories of his dad.. and I know ... Know doubt those will be stored away in his heart forever....

rest in peace daddy

7.8.68 - 4.23.08

xoxoxoxo

remembering Daddy.... April 23rd 2008 God took his hand... we miss you... XOXOXO

this spot is reserved for Dave... our father/husband....