VERO BEACH 1.22.09

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going down memory lane... winter vacation 2008!

our last vacation together...Jan 29 - Feb 4 2008

25 random things about ME!

DO YOU FACEBOOK?... i've been TAGGED!! ...

1. So I have been TAGGED here on face book and it only took me 2 weeks to get it done.. I am the worlds worst procrastinator! As you can tell…Its only under pressure ill get things done..

2. I “WAS” addicted to McDonalds.. I could eat it 3 times a week.. Their cheeseburgers and diet cokes were my down fall something about the combination of ketchup onions pickles and mustard on a sweet bun.. oohh and did I mention their fries dipped in sweet and sour sauce. I self assessed that calorie intake and decided I best get into fast food therapy hahaha.. LOL.. Ive been detox for two years now…!!! Congrats to me… however.. Ill occasionally do the drive up window and treat myself to their diet cokes.. Something about the fizz and straw?? refreshing!!!

3. I find myself very creative. I can make anything out of anything and people are WOW’d, I guess its Gods gift to me. I enjoy arts and crafts.. sewing children’s clothing.. dance costumes etc…always got an A in ART and Home Ec… all others subjects .. Well we wont talk about them…

4. Why do I live in Connecticut.. not sure?? I hate the winter and its depressing.. We have more cold months then hot..…I truly hate the dark days .. snow and ice… I get the blues for sure… I wish I lived in California! But in the mean time.. I lay on the floor in my laundry room where the hot sun shines through.. I grab a pillow and think I’m actually on a tropical beach!

5. My goal in life was to be a mom… I always wanted 6 kids.. I ended up with 3 children boy.. girl .. boy… after the last child with colic.. I said I'M DONE! I love babies ..but this stage of my life.. Ill take yours.. love them and give them back to you.. Its been 3 years since I haven’t had to change a diaper!

6. I think my full keyboard on my cell phone is the greatest thing…and actually getting emails on it.. Wow.. I feel so important when it says "YOU GOT MAIL! "

7. I was voted best dressed in High School… …I shop til’ I drop! .. that hasn't changed!

8. I don’t drink alcohol.. I know people don’t believe me when I say it.. I just never had the taste buds for it.. However. I have recently forced myself to drink some wine and mix drinks while being out with friends they all seemed to be having fun.. even though I still think it all tastes bad, I have to admit I do enjoy the buzz.. I realized what I have been missing out on that all these years… . Certainly takes the edge off!

9. I danced for years when I was a kid.. Now that I have my own kids that dance.. I found that I sucked compared to them. They are fabulous.. they have a natural talent.. My oldest son and daughter have a tap duet together… and both have won numerous awards and titles. I find myself in awe over their talent and look forward to the next time I see them onstage.. Proud mom for sure!!

10. I never leave home with out my camera.. Never know when the next Kodak moment will be.

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11. I love Oprah and Dr Phil.. Though I haven’t seen there shows in quite some time.. If I can figure out how to work the 5 controls and adjusting the wii and XBox.. just to get the TV on… maybe ill catch an episode some day….

12. I never just have one load of laundry to do.. It always seems like the piles accumulate way to fast.. Ill spend the entire day washing…maybe two days or three!! .. Just cant get a grip on the concept that if I did a wash every day.. I wouldn’t have to be tied down to a washing machine for a week!

13. I RUN FOR DAVE!

14. We adopted a black lab 3 years ago.... I never wanted a dog but my kids did.. Her name is Dapple… aka: “CRAPPLE” due the dog crap in the yard! I wish she could do her business in one spot.. But she feels It's necessary to spread it all out…. You need a crap detector to find it all.. ewwww!

15. I let my gas tank run down til the red light goes on …I drive with fumes and I haven’t got used to the fact that the gas tanks on Volvos are on the the opposite side of the car..….I hate pumping gas.. You Jersey girls are LUCKY!

16. my downfall are Oreo cookies and Thin Mints.. with a tall glass of cold skim milk with ice cubes.. Seriously I can eat a whole row in one shot.. I recently did that with a row of girl scout thin mints.. aaaaccak.. didn’t feel good afterwards …but it tasted good going down….Tums please!

17. A full day can go by and I have gotten nothing done.. How does this happen?

18. I didn’t get my licensees until I was 18.. My parents bought me a Mazda Rx7 It sat in the garage for quite some time.. I was forced to learn stix shift….I thought I was so cool.. The dam thing got stolen like 3 times.. And finally I got rid of it… and bought Honda Prelude! … more room to fit my friends!

19. I love sunny day movies.. Chick flicks and Disney .. My most favorite movie I can watch over and over again is Toy Story.. Woody is a great guy!

20. I wore glasses starting in the 3 grade.. Then graduated to contacts… then got my bionic eyes when I was 32.. Lasik ....its the best thing since sliced bread!

21. I put ketchup on my eggs!

22. a lot of annoying things my parents would say to me as a kid.. I find myself saying a lot of the same stuff to my own kids.. History repeats itself… that’s for sure!!

23. I love Joyce Meyers.. And Rick Warren.. What they both have to say gives me wisdom, hope and peace.

24. This test has been hard to think of 25 things about me….. One more to go..

25. I have endured one of life’s biggest challenges for me.. I was forced into being a single mother due to the loss of my husband last April 2008. He died suddenly from an AVM /renal artery aneurysm in his kidney at age 39…leaving me to take on the challenge of solo parenting. I have been lifting myself out of the darkness… and realized there is no other choice other then to move forward. I have been blessed with family and friends that constantly show love.. New friends and old.. and ones I have met by fate along the way. I don’t even know how I have gotten through these 9 months but I am surviving. I thank all of you who have reached out and prayed for my family.. I am truly blessed to have you all in my circle. Crisis teaches what is important in life.. It makes you stop your daily routine and makes you re-evaluate your entire life. .. I have soul searched and dug deep down to find myself and who I am and who I want to become… nobody said life would be easy!


..life can be great.. But with out bad times we wouldn’t know the difference..
~Kermit the Frog!

9 months... its been that long!....

Puerto Rico 1/2008

So I got to Florida yesterday with the kids.. it was kinda a random thing.. I just called the airlines.. the rates were good and notified my parents we were on our way.... I had to get out of the cold.. winter is depressing enough.. as the sky is gray... everything looks lifeless ...so sick of the snow....and the minus temperatures were ready to put me over the edge! ..I am here.. its so sunny I am enjoying every moment in the sun ... the green grasses.. the blue sky and sandy beaches.. Dave would so be loving getting out of Connecticut now.. January is such a long month and a little sabbatical is always good and refreshing in the height of winter.. last year Dave and I went to Puerto Rico around this time... and now that I look back as hindsight is 20/20 it was our last trip together and I know why God gave us that gift... and really our first one since we got married ..3 kids...built 2 houses later... we were busy living and not taking time to enjoy life's finer perks .. so we went.. and planned on going again this year.. but here we are a year later.. and totally a different life scenario for me and my kids...

.. our Daddy is gone and its now the 4 of us.. so here we are in Florida and as I read the writing in the sand today at the beach.. I found my 5 year old with a stick in hand and he writes,"

"I LUF You Dad!"

ok.. so right there.. moment of silence..... and a tissue please!!!!!

Widow: wid-ow –noun
1.
a woman who has lost her husband by death and has not remarried.


I am beginning to use that word more often, now that it has been imbedded into my vocabulary… I have had to check off that box several times on paperwork since Dave passed away……and I do realize that I am no longer in the category as married!… that widow box sends a chill down my spine as I have the pen in my hand and very slowly I “X” in the appropriate box…And if the widow box is not there.. I sometimes will make a box. It’s sunk in now that yes I am under the single category again after 15 years .. But some days I feel like a rebel.... And ill check the married box to humor myself and if anyone wants to question me.. Let them… I don’t mind striking up a conversation ……does it really matter anyways? .. the bill is going to be paid whether you are single married divorced or widowed!!.

So...surely they could of made up a better word for a wife that lost their husband. I don’t like being in a "spider" category nor do I like being in a category at all….. Though some days I wouldn’t mind having 4 legs and 4 arms.. I would be able to multi task and get a lot more done .. it’s the list of responsibilities that Dave took care of.. then there were mine.. And would chose mine over his any day…. But now I got it all… all of it dumped onto me at once… with out warning! … I do have to say… I have learned a lot in these past nine months..from taking out the garbage on the correct day.. and which week is recycle week.. to paying the bills for which he had set up electronically...and getting to know my way around Home Depot. Always knowing were to go and how to get there... my sister and Joanne "ON STAR" is always a phone call a way if I get lost or in a location that's unfamiliar.. even though I don't have a mans voice like Daddy's.. I surely can make it loud enough to take on the disciplinary role that not only gets my kids to listen...but it works to get them at attention!!!!!!

What I really want is a normal life again or somewhat of a normal life with my whole family again.. Ill take a half way “normal” because normal is defined as:

NORMAL
–adjective
1.
conforming to the standard or the common type; usual; not abnormal; regular; natural.

....that is completely unrealistic ..…… and something that isn’t going to happen overnight.. And I know nothing will be normal ever for me again..as I will always have the memory as I witnessed my husband fighting for his life and my children forever being with out their dad….… I always hold on to Dave's eyes as I remember them as they pierced through me with uncertainty that day…before they shut forever...

Getting over my fear of the unknown is another constant battle for me.. Everyone wants an 8 ball that has something positive to say each time you shake the thing....…of course everyone would want to know all the good that is going to happen in the future.. But would you of wanted to know the bad?? I don’t think I would of wanted to know the crisis I endured ahead of time.. I think God spared me by throwing me into this head first and left me to scramble with out notice..… this has been a huge challenge for me learning how to crawl out from under the odds that were thrown my way... I really don’t think I would of wanted to know my husband was dying or if he ever would have to suffer… nor would I want myself and my kids to know their daddy was on borrowed time.. And nor do I think Dave would of wanted to know ahead of time he was leaving this earth…I think I was spared a lot of heartache, not that what I suffered wasn’t heartache.. But the unknown in this case wasn’t as bad as if I did know… ok..does that make any sense?... Do you all follow me?…

so its been 9 months since we haven't seen our Dad, 9 months as a single mom... and 9 months that we have survived since our life had been interrupted....but also we found within those 9 months some reasons to smile....

I found this worth reading.. and passing on...

The One Flaw In Women

By the time the Lord made woman,He was into his sixth day of working overtime. An angel appeared and said,'Why are you spending so much time on this one?'And the Lord answered, 'Have you seen my spec sheet on her?She has to be completely washable, but not plastic,have over 200 movable parts, all replaceable and able to run on diet coke and leftovers,have a lap that can hold four children at one time,have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a broken heart-and she will do everythingwith only two hands.' The angel was astounded at the requirements.'Only two hands!? No way!And that's just on the standard model?That's too much work for one day.Wait until tomorrow to finish.''But I won't, ' the Lord protested. 'I am so close to finishing this creation that is so close to my own heart. She already heals herself when she is sick AND can work 18 hour days.'The angel moved closer and touched the woman.'But you have made her so soft, Lord.''She is soft,' the Lord agreed,'but I have also made her tough. You have no idea what she can endure or accomplish.''Will she be able to think?', asked the angel. The Lord replied,'Not only will she be able to think, she will be able to reason and negotiate.'The angel then noticed something,and reaching out, touched the woman's cheek.'Oops, it looks like you have a leak in this model. I told you that you were trying to put too much into this one.''That's not a leak,'the Lord corrected,'that's a tear!''What's the tear for?' the angel asked. The Lord said, 'The tear is her way of expressing her joy,her sorrow, her pain, her disappoint ment, her love,her loneliness, her grief and her pride.'The angel was impressed.'You are a genius, Lord. You thought of everything!Woman is truly amazing.'And she is!Women have strengths that amaze men. They bear hardships and they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy.
They smile when they want to scream. They sing when they want to cry. They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous. They fight for what they believe in.
They stand up to injustice. They don't take 'no' for an answer when they believe there is a better solution.They go without so their family can have. They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally. They cry when their children exceland cheer when their friends get awards. They are happy when they hear about a birth or a wedding. Their hearts break when a friend dies.They grieve at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left. They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart.
Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you. The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning. They bring joy, hope and love. They have compassion and ideals. They give moral support to their family and friends. Women have vital things to say and everything to give HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE TINY FLAW IN WOMEN, IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH. PLEASE pass this along to your women friends and relativesto remind them just how amazing they are.

12/13/08 Rockefeller Center with friends....

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We had a blast in NYC Rockefeller Center just a week before Xmas with my friend Anthony and his 3 girls... it was the kids first time on a train. It just happened to be the coldest day in the city and we waited in line for 3 hours to skate.. yes call us crazy but we are all glad we did it and got pictures to prove it! The tree was so pretty and huge!!

our SKI day.... 12/31/08

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..can't get better then this! ...blizzard conditions... 23*... wind gusts... and freezing toes!.... but we had a blast...

We had a great winter day outside with the Dionne family .. We were quite the colorful bunch skiing on the mountain of Ski Sundown!… I hadn’t been in like 25 years.. But it was like riding a bike again.. This was my kids first time going.. They did so well considering they never been and was able to manage the lift and getting down the mountain with out too many falls by the end of the day.. (but there were many human snowballs trust me!!) Carson was a trooper and mastered the bunny hill with mom‘s help… ! Thanks Darlene and Mike for the invite and patience for helping my kids... Glad we went.. Cant wait to go again! Every year Dave said we would take the kids but we never went.. So I was happy to finally go... I know he was looking out for us yesterday... he would have been so proud of his kids… we had a great time and looking forward to going again… thanks guys.. LOVE YA!! XOXOXO