It seems like the 23rd of each months creeps up on me faster and faster these days. Not only do I think about this date several times a month… often I have to question what the heck happened and how did I get here? But it makes this new life for me real knowing I will be writing something on the anniversary of Dave’s passing. The 23rd number will always remind me of Dave and also its time I can focus my attention on him. So what comes to mind this month is the quote I made up for my High school year book.. I remember writing it many years ago and really not sure what it meant back then... but I submitted it and it was published under my photo…it reads:
“ In life there are many paths to choose from.. Follow one but don’t get lost“!
… so back then being 17 years old I don’t really know why I wrote it or what it was supposed to mean and I ask …. why does it still stick out in my mind today?.. Until now.... This journey for me from meeting Dave 15 years ago.... To getting married.. .. To experiencing life’s trials and tribulations along the way…til’ death do we part… has taught me quite a lesson on life and there were many paths and I do believe over the years spent with Dave, he has helped point me in the right direction and he continues to do so as I live each day... The earlier dark paths I had been down shortly after his death I clearly could of gotton lost.. But I believe those were more or less experiences I had to go through to get were I am today… I have to think there is a purpose, a reason for what happened and why I’m raising our children alone with out their daddy. I could just do nothing and feel sorry for myself and believe this was a cruel punishment put upon me, but I have chose a new path to follow... I look back and realize those darker days were times of spiritual growth and soul searching for me, I am now learning who I am and figuring out how to be a single mom of 3. I didn’t get to this better place over these months alone and have to thank so many people who have been there for me…. I think Dave has sent me quite a few angels to look out for me and the kids and new friendships made along the way.
….. I continue to find daily.... some inner strength to get me through the days……You never think you are as strong as you are unless you go through something like this… I have found some peace, in moving through life one day at a time, enjoying what I do have... and be thankful for it... I am grateful for the new doors that have opened up for me and the new friendships I have made in this short period of time…. I have Dave to thank for many of them… I know he is guiding me and watching as I walk down this new path of life without him by my side…
“ In life there are many paths to choose from.. Follow one but don’t get lost“!
… so back then being 17 years old I don’t really know why I wrote it or what it was supposed to mean and I ask …. why does it still stick out in my mind today?.. Until now.... This journey for me from meeting Dave 15 years ago.... To getting married.. .. To experiencing life’s trials and tribulations along the way…til’ death do we part… has taught me quite a lesson on life and there were many paths and I do believe over the years spent with Dave, he has helped point me in the right direction and he continues to do so as I live each day... The earlier dark paths I had been down shortly after his death I clearly could of gotton lost.. But I believe those were more or less experiences I had to go through to get were I am today… I have to think there is a purpose, a reason for what happened and why I’m raising our children alone with out their daddy. I could just do nothing and feel sorry for myself and believe this was a cruel punishment put upon me, but I have chose a new path to follow... I look back and realize those darker days were times of spiritual growth and soul searching for me, I am now learning who I am and figuring out how to be a single mom of 3. I didn’t get to this better place over these months alone and have to thank so many people who have been there for me…. I think Dave has sent me quite a few angels to look out for me and the kids and new friendships made along the way.
….. I continue to find daily.... some inner strength to get me through the days……You never think you are as strong as you are unless you go through something like this… I have found some peace, in moving through life one day at a time, enjoying what I do have... and be thankful for it... I am grateful for the new doors that have opened up for me and the new friendships I have made in this short period of time…. I have Dave to thank for many of them… I know he is guiding me and watching as I walk down this new path of life without him by my side…
your going to be okay sweets....
ReplyDeletehugs..one step at a time....
one tear at a time...and one step of growth...we all learn that in letting go...we still have them close....for you carry him in your heart...he is in your childrens laughter and smiles....a gentle breeze that blows across your face...they are never really gone...just waiting for you and cheering you on at the finish line....for the race of life is an important one...we each run it alone...but have many cheering us on.....there are some flat spaces...and then there are those valley's that nearly take our breath away..on these hard steep hills....it helps to have those behind you helping you up....for its in those times you learn who those friends that really love you are!....dave would be so proud of you!((((((((( hugs!)))))))))))
v
Love you -- miss you :) I hope you and the kids have a great Thanksgiving -- I'm sure you'll be surrounded by lots of people who love you, and I know you're thankful for each and every one of them -- i hear the strength in your writing and it makes me smile -- you've come a long way, baby :)
ReplyDelete{{hugs}}
xoxo whit :)