Friends of Dave: April 2010

Daves sky box from heaven...
taken at the Litchfield Hills road race

I believe I saw God that day… I believe it was the first time I actually believed there was one.. ..…. As if I was the only one in this world that needed his help that afternoon…and God knows I needed a ton of it!!…,… out of the corner of my eye.. In the ER. As im standing there in the hallway after seeing Dave lying still on a table… breathing through an oxygen mask in this freezing cold , stale room.. ..… hooked up to more wires that you could even imagine possible..….. tubes and machines feeding life back into his body…..somewhat of controlled chaos as I can remember the room started to spin. And I was the only one standing still…. with Doctors and nurses moving around so quickly….doing their job trying to save my husband …I remove myself from that area and into the hallway gasping for air…..I see a man figure .. A black silhouette coming towards me? Still….. I lean against the wall ..…… in total disbelief that I was actually just seconds before….over looking doctors and nurses hovering over my husband trying to keep him alive ..no one has any information for me yet.. They are keeping him stable….. And there are no answers to what was wrong …Only that he has had several blood transfusions…as I see bags of blood hanging from the side of his bed. That alone is making me ill….I can no longer be in this room…... Now silent and still…as I pick my head up from the floor I sense someone was coming towards me…. .. And I stand there numb …. dressed in all black with a little white square near his juggler……knowing fair well this is a priest.. …“what is he doing here“? …Is he always here in the ER for those “JUST INCASE” moments?…or was he here just waiting for me? Will he deliver good news… or just the opposite.. ?He was the closest thing to a God like figure that day… clutching the Bible in one hand.. And reaching out with the other ….I see him walking down the hallway…and it looks like he is coming right at me?….... Please god.. If that is you…. Please walk past me… keep on going...I don’t want to see you just yet.. Im not prepared to have a conversation with you…. There must be someone worse off in this hospital that you need to see right now… you are getting closer… and closer…I’m getting nervous… I’m cold and clammy … ….. I’m thinking if I don’t make eye contact with you ..….. you may just walk on by… But you didn’t,…I surrender … I slowly put my head back down to the floor… I feel the tears dripping off my face and each tear drop felt like razor blades cutting deep … deep into my soul… I was starting to feel overwhelmed with pain… it was getting worse by the seconds… …. I can hear myself saying .. Thank you God… Thank you for giving Dave enough strength to stay alive until I got to the hospital.. And more grateful for granting him enough strength to say I LOVE YOU! Those were the last words that Dave ever said to me… and then…Father disappeared...

~*~

God has given me wonderful children that at times they are the adult to many who try and comfort them.. They have survived knowing they are very much loved and it amazes me how strong and resilient they are.

Slowly piecing my life back together over these past two years has taught me many lessons .. there is life after death….. Once I started to value my contribution into this new journey.. I began to open my eyes to see things a lot differently.. I may not always make the perfect choices… but they are the right choices that work for me and my family….is there really a right and wrong way of doing things?…. Does someone else’s opinion really matter even if they have never been in your shoes?…it would be so easy if there was a book that was written to your specific family crisis to help guide you to the finish line…… but there is not and you have to find your way .. And what I have learned is there have been negative opinions that are of no value to me…. I have survived these two years along with my children under roller coaster emotional conditions at times to the best of my ability … where I’ve sometimes felt the world caving in on us….. Those types of experiences has not only helped make us stronger.. But strengthened our family as a whole… we have been able to survive with those who choose to love us and support us with no judgments… We have made it thus far.. And continue to find the road to healing… it has not always been an easy one but its been a lot easier with those who have held our hands with unconditional love. Thank you to all of you have helped in some way to make our lives a lot easier.. Those of you who have put a smile on our faces.. That made us laugh when we were down… those of you who have come into my life and my children’s life.. For those of you who have came in for such a short period of time.. And some of you that have left... All those experiences were necessary for our growing process.. I don’t ever overlook the value of friendships.. Whether they are still in or out of your life.. Each person has come to teach us valuable lessons…and I have found positives in each and every one of you…. So thank you!

how are the children doing?

CHASE 12

Chase has become a very well rounded young man in the 7th grade and continues to make honors each marking period…His love for computers and creating movies and photo albums with his friends and family.. Always a moment calling us down to the Mac to show us what he has created… …He is most like his dad in so many ways.. And is super fabulous at spelling.. A human dictionary just like his dad was! … And we tease him about his bushy eyebrows just like Dave. He has grown to become a fine young man…and his mannerisms sometimes scares us they are so much alike… I am very proud of Chase.. Being the oldest he has taken on some responsibilities at a young age… and to be able to cope and still do well in school certainly makes a mom proud!

MADISON 11

She is just a sweetheart and in the 5th grade! She is also so caring to others.. Not only does she put her own feelings aside at times.. And comforts those in need…. She is always there to help a friend or loved one.. And never puts herself first.. She loves children and cares so much for her two autistic cousins Sam and Nic.. This is an area that is a gift to her… she is a natural little mother.. And you cant help but want to take her home with you. Madison also has a natural talent to write stories …. Poems and is quite the artist.. Always there is a markers or crayons in her hand drawing a card or picture … she was a daddy‘s girl…… and with the loss of Dave this has only made her stronger.. She loves her Uncles and you can find her sitting on their laps just as she would if her Dad was alive. Madison has compassion for people .. and the love for animals… she continues to excel in school with straight A‘s and takes part in all sorts of activities .. The drums.. Drama club… and her passion for dance.. She is quite the little star.. And Daddy would be so proud of her.. I know he sees her and helps guide her in anything she takes on…….

CARSON 7

Only in the 1st grade....Where do I start with this little guy.. He has quite the personality and keeps you laughing.. ! He is a smarty pants and there isn’t a moment that you cant fool this kid.. He is quite smart in many ways.. And often he is the one consoling us on a bad day.. The first one to say get over it ma…..! Carson remembers his dad the most.. He has a photographic memory and is constantly telling us remember daddy this… and remember daddy that.. He has not forgotten at all.. And will definitely be the one to some day keep up with the family tree! He loves his video games.. And into fixing things.. He is quite the socialite and has no problem making new friends…. He is a active little man with a ton of energy and the gift to gab… He is a loving caring soul.. And keeps us smiling that’s for sure! Anyone who comes in contact with Carson will surely remember his toothless grin and his crazy energy!

...more tributes to Dave coming throughout the day....