Friends of Dave: March 2009

Dear Daddy,

I miss you! We've been through so much this past year but it looks like we made it some how?. Sometimes I lye in bed thinking, is this reality or or is it all a bad dream? I wish it was a bad dream. Once, I thought you were coming home from work, but you didnt. Every night, I talk to you, do you hear me? do you answer?

Is Grandma Pauline making you her famous meatballs and sauce? She better be! I LOVE YOU TO THE END OF TIME. And there is no stopping time!!! I LOVE YOU ALOT.

your daughter,
Madison

Dreams are how we figure out where we want to go... life is how we get there.

I often wondered what a year from now was going to look like?.. What the kids were going to be like.. were they going to make it through? … How I was going to feel?.. would we ever recover from this loss?.. Will I always be tangled up in worrisome thoughts and not be able to move past the days that followed Dave’s death? Would I continue to dwell on the “why Me”? .. Will I except that God has a blueprint of my life and he is going to guide me in a direction that I will be ok with?….I have been seeing a lot of changes and steps towards a new beginning… one I will admit has sometimes been very scary for me …but new beginnings are daily challenges that I need to continue to make happen… back when I wanted to fast forward time to make the pain go away… I didn’t like the feeling of my world being stolen from me… ….the pain during the first few days were unbearable and days and weeks and months that followed were still upsetting … you think how is it possible to feel better?.. How is it possible to continue on with life when you are minus one life in your life….? the life you knew of and familiar to you is gone.. And a new one is going to replace the old… would I be ready for this?.. But God does have a way to help figure it all out. He is there guiding me and my children to a place where we can see and except all the changes that come our way.. We are here ready to face any obstacles that are given to us… nothing is too big or too small that we cant handle… we have each other and we are ready to recover from what was a complete nightmare to a place where we can find some peace in our lives…
… often my biggest fear is the unknown.. Wondering what is next for us.. Worrying about what is going to happen is a negative contribution to our future… we are learning to stay in the present and leave our fears in the past… we are getting there… still baby steps.. But they are steps towards a better life for the 4 of us!

~ Michele