I know
it's hard to be reconciled
not everything is exactly
the way it ought to be..
but please turn around
and step into the future
leave memories behind
enter the land of hope...
~Zbigniew Herbert
Its 10 months today… an Ive have learned over these months that painful and disappointing things happen.. Often for a reason that we don’t always know… maybe for a higher purpose we can not see just yet?… sometimes things often work out for the good an other times not… but there is a choice we can make to either move on or live in the past…and possibly learn something from it. We don’t always have to spend so much time trying to figure out the purpose and plan for each detail of our lives….. Just let it happen.. We have absolutely no control over it.. That is what I have learned .. I will trust that what I have been dealt with ..which were some of life’s unfortunate circumstances ....ones I had to experience to get to the place where I am today… if someone told me that I would eventually be happy again after what I went though.. I would say they were completely insane!.. But I have found that I am in a better place now… and moving forward with my life with the kids.. I can smile more and my brighter days have started to shine through….this doesn’t mean our pain is completely gone… it is still there but on a different level.. I know I can breathe again more freely… and can talk about the wonderful memories of our family together.. Ones I will always hold in my heart… but I do know …. there are better things to come for us .. I have been searching for answers and I have to believe God doesn’t leave good people hanging ... There is a plan for me… in time I will be patient and wait for it to reveal itself.. I know I cant rush it.. control it…I just have to trust it! .. And see what it leads me.. …
This month.. I want to thank YOU ALL once again.. New and old friends that email me to see how Im doing … or simply ask if there is anything they can still do to make my life a little bit easier… I am thankful for strangers that come across my blog that have the courage to share their own personal and painful experience with me.. And put their trust in me to help them through their challenges they are facing… to all the wonderful moms and dads out there that have emailed me and telling me how this blog has changed them…to all my old friends from school that I have been in touch with over these past 10 months… to all of you who have put up with me during some of the most craziest days…. I am so grateful that I am able to help others.. Just like you all have helped me.. Life for sure isn’t easy.. And nothing now is ever taken for granted.. I have to think Dave was a gift.. A gift put here on earth to help others when he passed. I have had people start to run to get healthy.. Some who didn’t have a life insurance policy for their family and now they do.. Some who didn’t have a WILL but have one now.. Some who hug their children more and tell their loved ones that they are truly special.. As we travel through this life… something as simple letting them know you care….. Or telling someone you love them.. Is often overlooked and we tell ourselves ill do it later… Now is the best time!!!!… there may not be a later!!!…. I am also trying to throw out all that is negative in my life… learning to be free of fear and anger.. I know easier said then done…I am trying to be proactive.. and being aware of my reactions when I get stressed … sometimes it may be uncomfortable to say I’m sorry… but allow each new day to be the beginning of this process ..being aware of what you can and can not change is key!… let today be the day to throw it all up to a higher power and let someone else worry about it!... Its not worth it to stay miserable and caught up in the past... Be happy …life it to short to live with regrets.… Live in the present.. stop worrying about everything…be yourself…. be free…. Just let it go…and trust that Life really is Good if you give it a chance!.. ……. Missing daddy everyday.. But living in our hearts forever….
